Dear Rinpoche,
My question is about attachment, especially when you “fall in love” with someone, without ever having had the opportunity to speak to them personally. It may be that, even while trying to forget her (and no longer see her physically), her thoughts will regularly resurface at unexpected and unwanted times. What to do to fight against this attachment which takes the form of a recurring thought? Because trying to stop thinking about her leads to thinking about her unfortunately...

Venerable Dagpo Rinpoche: It is the whole question of the truth of the origin and its effects: suffering in its various forms. The question is dealt with in the lamrim, especially in the second part of the chapter about practitioners of average motivation.

In summary :
Like any other result, attachment occurs when the necessary causes come together. Therefore, to avoid a result, it is necessary and sufficient to prevent the union of its causes.

The manifestation of disturbing factors, including attachment, resulting from the meeting of six causes according to Vasubandhu, condensed into three by Asanga, it is useful to know them to see at what stage one can or cannot intervene for the moment.

  1. Presence of the seeds of disturbing factors in the mind
  2. Proximity to an object for example of attachment (or irritation, etc.)
  3. Incorrect caution.

The ideal is to have rejected the seeds of the disturbing factors. But this only becomes effective at a high level of the path.
Below, we can first try to avoid finding ourselves in the presence of the object, of attachment.
Failing this, one must focus efforts on the incorrect attention, and thus avoid thinking about the object of attachment. At the beginning, it is best to occupy the mind with something else, turn it towards other centers of interest.

Once the “crisis” has passed, one can resort to remedies for attachment to weaken it, in particular by reflecting on its drawbacks, or even on the impermanent and therefore vain nature of the object of attachment.

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