Be authentic. Zen considers that our true nature, the one that hides behind the idea that we have of ourselves, is perfect. “To learn Zen is to find ourselves, to find ourselves, to forget ourselves, to forget ourselves, it is to find the Buddha nature, our original nature,” said Dogen. To approach this authenticity, there is no magic recipe, but a posture: simply observe what is happening within us, how we interact, observe what is "too much" or "too little", then take the as fair as possible. Brought back to education, this requirement is an imperative of lucidity and humility which can help us refocus and better understand the real issues of the parent-child relationship. Doing the best with who we are, trying every day to be less and less the plaything of illusions, judgment, beliefs and unrealistic expectations, constitutes a precious message by example for our children.
A few tracks in the form of kôans or adages to meditate on:
– Your dissimulation nourishes its fragility, your honesty increases its strength.
– You wanted to be a doctor? Don't force him to wear a white coat if he prefers gardener's gloves.
– If you do not face them, the ghosts of your past will come to haunt your child.
Go through the emotions
Calmness of mind, clarity of vision are not only reserved for the great sages, they can be acquired over the days if we start by accepting to stop being the plaything of our emotions. Emotions amplified by anxiety when one is a parent and which are not without consequence on the life of the family. However, it is not a question of forcing oneself to detachment, to impassivity, if one seethes with anger or if one trembles with anguish. Going through emotions means welcoming them (I don't repress them, I feel their effect in my body), identifying them (I'm angry), questioning them (anger, what is your real source?), before letting them slip away like the clouds in the sky. Once freed from the pressure of emotions, and armed with the information they contain, we can then think calmly, not about what we must do, but about "what the situation requires us to do", as the aptly formulated the Indian master Swami Prajnanpad. Before reacting with your child, grant this time for emotional filtering which you can combine with a mini meditation, which is particularly welcome before tackling delicate subjects.
“To learn Zen is to find ourselves, to find ourselves, to forget ourselves, to forget ourselves, is to find the Buddha nature, our original nature. » Dogen
– Sit down, slightly hollow your pelvis and tuck your chin a little towards your neck, let your shoulders drop.
– Place your hands on your thighs, palms up.
– Exhale deeply then inhale gently through your nose and exhale for a long time.
– Do several inhale-exhale cycles.
To meditate :
Behind the anger, the sadness. Behind sadness, fear. Behind the fear, the restlessness of heart and mind.
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